Monologue.

Most of the time I wish things would be so much easier. 

Most of the time. 

..or perhaps all the time.

Sometimes I feel like there's nothing as "easy" for me.

I understand that whatever that I am dealing with, is probably nothing compared to what other people are going through.. But still. I can't help to wish how awesome it would be if things are so so much easier for me to deal with.

Not just now, but back then, up till now and the future.

Don't get me wrong though, I am thankful. In fact I am very thankful, Alhamdulillah.

I keep on having "what ifs" in my mind lately..

..and it's slowly eating me from the inside.

It is definitely not a nice feeling to not know for sure, to not know what the result might be like if things would be different.

I am supposed to learn, and yet I am obviously not learning from any of my mistakes..

Which annoys me to the max. 

I do not understand myself.

I really don't.

I am already 23 and I am supposed to be over with the phase of searching for who I am & how do I work with my own feelings, my own responsibilities, my own thoughts, my own actions. 

I am supposed to know. 

Instead of not to know.

Who am I?

I need to wake up.

...or end it once and for all.